Our Time Now
by gizmo8us
Summary: A natural disaster might be just what they need to realize how they feel about each other.
1. Chapter 1

The thunder rolled through the quiet, darkened house as the dark gray clouds seeped into the blueness that covered the sky. A few splatters decorated the sidewalk as the rain gave a half-hearted attempt at wetting the ground and the trees had began to sway back and forth with a bit more force than the pleasant afternoon weather had afforded them.

A particularly large oak was scrapping its branches along the outside of the Zeta Beta Zeta Sorority house as if it were tapping on the windows trying to gain entrance.

Leaves had begun to scatter across the road, decorating it in a array of browns, oranges and even a smidgen of green.

Casey Cartwright sighed deeply as she watched the weather taking a turn for the worse and wished, not for the first time, that the latest love of her life hadn't picked that weekend to visit his family. She had never been a huge fan of thunderstorms and the one that was quickly approaching looked to be a big one. It only made it worse that she had insisted he go. Max had asked her at least a dozen times if she wanted to go with him, but a stack of classwork and a list of pledge educator duties had proven more persuasive than he was.

So she was alone, uncomfortably alone. Ashleigh, her best friend and sorority president had taken off for the weekend with her new boyfriend, Fisher. Rebbecca Logan had rounded up the new actives and pledges and taken them to her family's summer home in the Hamptons for a bonding weekend. Casey had also opted against going along for that ride. She and Rebbecca had come to shaky sort of seize fire and Casey didn't feel it necessary to push their relationship too hard at the moment. It was nice getting along with her. She wanted to keep it that way for a little while longer. She was pretty sure that after a weekend getaway together, they would be back at each others throats by the time they got home.

She was faced with a circumstance that was absolutely not the normal in a house where forty girls resided under normal conditions.

She was alone. There was not another soul under the roof. The quiet was deafening. It was the perfect opportunity for her to get some real work done. She should be attacking her classwork and the paperwork for the house that had been building up for weeks. But she couldn't seem to shake the miserable melancholy that had settled over as surely as the darkness had settled over the sky.

She could call Rusty. Her brother would come over and keep her company without a second thought and he wouldn't ask her a thousand questions about why she was feeling so down. Rusty was an expert at knowing when to ask questions and when not to. Socially awkward to the point of ridiculous, Rusty still had a way of reading people that she would never understand. Somehow he just seemed to know when to talk and when to just shut up and be there.

But Rusty had his own life and his own heavy class load and at the moment, she was sure, he was either, locked away in his apartment, catching up with it all, or he was at the Kappa Tau Gamma Fraternity catching up with it all. Either way, she didn't want to disturb him without a good reason.

The thought of the KT house brought to her mind an unwanted and a little unexpected vision of its president. She had finally manage to reach a point in her life when Cappie wasn't on her mind all the time. Now a fleeting thought of him once or twice a day was the norm and she was positive even that would fade eventually.

She was finally learning to put her past behind her and despite her very volatile history with the messy-haired, blue-eyed Cappie, Max was her future.

She was happy, or at least she was content. Content was a good thing. A nice quiet life with a man that added to her peace and didn't contribute to her drama.

It was something she had been searching for, for a very long time. She had even begun to think that maybe the right guy just wasn't out there for her. But then Max showed up.

Even more socially inept than her brother, smarter than anyone she had ever known and the complete opposite of every man she had ever been with, Max hit her out of the blue with a blind-side attack that took her breath away.

Max was calm and peaceful and inspired those feelings in the people around him. Something Evan, her last boyfriend, could never claim. Evan was uptight and intense and took every part of life far too seriously. Max tended to take things pretty seriously as well. But fun was for children and sooner or later everyone had to grow up.

That thought sobered her just as a particularly loud clash of thunder rang out across the campus. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she had done more than chuckle at anything. She couldn't recall the last time she could really say she had fun, the kind of fun that made her face hurt from smiling and her sides ache from laughing so hard.

She realized suddenly that she had somehow become everything she hated about Evan. She herself had gotten into the habit of taking life far too seriously.

Who was it that said that 'anything can be fun and everything should be fun' ? She racked her brain for a minute trying to remember the author of that famous quote. She had read it somewhere, or heard it during one of her lectures. It was right there on the tip of her tongue.

She huffed, the author's identity was going to drive her crazy now.

Then, just as a flash of lightning lit up the entire sky, it came to her. It wasn't a famous author, or even a famous quote for that matter. The image of him holding out a fork filled with apple pie and tempting her with it, came her instantly. ' What could be the harm in taking one little bite of an apple ?' He'd said with eager eyes and a hopeful smile.

Cappie, that was twice in less than ten minutes. Well, she told herself defensively, she had been thinking about how she wasn't having any fun anymore. And if Cappie was anything, he was fun. It was his mission in life. The problem was and had always been, it was his only mission in life.

She needed more than that. She needed a focus, a goal, something to strive towards. Cappie's only goal was on trying to keep from having a goal.

She wondered, for a moment, if that was because of some deep-seated fear of failure. If you didn't set yourself up to fail, how could you possibly fail. But Cappie had never stricken her as the type of man that was afraid of anything. Maybe the happy-go-lucky attitude was really genuine. Maybe he really thought that the key to living life right was in finding the fun in every moment.

It wasn't a bad philosophy. It was working out for him rather well. And no one could claim that Cappie wasn't enjoying life.

She envied him quite often, envied him to the point of jealousy at times. He never had a problem he couldn't handle. Never let life drag him down with worry.

But it seemed to Casey that that way of living was really doing nothing more than coasting. It was certain that sooner or later, something would come along that would make Cappie take it seriously.

Another boom resounded and she glanced at her phone as she saw her hands were shaking. Rusty really wouldn't mind if she disturbed him. He might even be grateful for the distraction. Maybe he could use the break.

She snatched her pink cell off the bed where it was laying and punched in his number, just as the lights began to flicker. After the fifth ring it went to voice mail and she left a short message telling him that she was at the house alone and she would really like it if he came over.

The thunder was coming faster now and the rain was falling with a vengeance. She flicked on the television to a local channel and her breath caught in her throat when she recognized her little corner of the world lit up in bright red, signally a tornado warning.

She had never been in a tornado, though she'd witnessed the devastation on shows about them.

Ohio was not really known for tornado frequency and neither was Chicago, where she grew up. In her years at Cyrus, four of them now, she had never seen a tornado come close to where she was. She wasn't even really sure what to do if one should occur. In school they always said, get to the lowest floor of the house in a room with no windows and no outside walls.

Her hands were shaking violently now as she snatched a portable radio, a candle and a bottle of water and headed for the basement. As an afterthought, she grabbed her phone up as well.

Another bang of thunder vibrated her ears and made her heart stop for an instant as she rounded the corner of the staircase.

Spying the house phone on the small round table inside the front door gave her an idea and she quickly yanked her cell from her pocket and punched in the number for the KT house.

" Hello," A familiar voice answered on the first ring.

" Cappie, I need to talk to Rusty. Is he there ?" She bit her bottom lip anxiously.

" No, I haven't seen him all day. Are you okay ? Is there something I can do for you ?"

He was worried about the approaching storm, too. If he hadn't been, he would have added, ' or to you?" to that question. His voice was tight and sounded almost as anxious as hers and he was talking fast. She could hear a lot of movement going on it the background.

" No, I'll be alright. I was just hoping he could come here and keep me company during the storm." She answered, trying to sound casual and not make him worry about her.

Of course it didn't work. Cappie was better at reading her than anyone she'd ever known.

" Are you there alone ?" He asked, over the shuffling behind him.

" Yeah, but its fine. Really I'll be okay." She repeated.

" Come over here. We're all going to the basement to play charades until this whole thing passes. We'd love to have you join us." He offered.

" Charades ?" She chuckled into the receiver.

He paused and lowered his voice perceptibly. " Beaver gets a little distressed during bad weather. We try to keep him distracted." His voice returned to normal as he added, " From what I remember you aren't a huge fan of storms either. So get over here and we'll distract you, too."

She considered his offer. She didn't want to be stuck by herself if something bad did happen. The KT house wasn't her first choice, but it certainly beat being alone.

" Alright. I'll be there in a few minutes. Do I need to bring anything ? You have flashlights and candles, right ?"

" We have it all covered. Just bring you." He paused long enough to shout something about not needing to bring the beer downstairs. Then he came back to her. " Sorry, so you're coming, right ?"

" Yeah, I'll be there in ten minutes." She answered, gathering her purse and keys as she spoke.

" If not, I'm coming to look for you." He warned her. Then suddenly his voice lowered again he was extremely serious when he said, " Case, it's getting pretty bad out there. Be careful."

" I will be. See you soon."

She snapped the phone shut and jambed it into her front pocket as she opened the front door.


	2. Chapter 2

Casey stood stock-still surveying the deluge of rain and wind that was beating hard against the Cyprus Rhodes campus. She was getting wet standing at the door, despite the expanse of the covered porch before her. The sky was darker than she'd ever seen it before, not a shred of sunlight penetrated the cloud cover overhead.

The tall, majestic oak trees that decorated the front yard of the ZBZ house were no match for the wind as they struggled against the onslaught. Their limbs twisted to the point of breaking and the leaves fell to the ground in a shower of green. The smaller trees, freshly planted a month before as her sorority celebrated Earth Day, were bent nearly double, their tops almost touching the soaked ground. She wondered how much the fledgings could take before they simply broke.

She got her answer a moment later, when one of the saplings broke in half. The wind snatched up the newly fallen top of the tree and flung it in her direction with a force that shook her entire body. The only thing keeping her from getting hit was the pillar that captured the treetop. It fell with a sicken crunch to the ground below the porch.

The rain was louder now, so loud its volume dwarfed all other sounds around it. Then something began to hit the window with tiny little clinking noises. She thought at first that the wind had grabbed some pebbles from somewhere and were pummeling the windows with them.

Then the actual cause hit her and she paled and took a step back into the doorway. Hail. It was hailing. She glanced at her car sitting unprotected in the driveway and watched as the tiny balls of ice pelted her windshield and her paint.

Another loud crack of thunder and she was back inside, all thoughts of going anywhere completely abolished. She ran towards the television in the living room and snapped it on quickly.

" If you are in the Cyprus Rhodes area, we are advising you now, get somewhere safe. Find a room with no windows and inside walls if possible. Most importantly, stay indoors. Do not go outside." A tall, serious looking, balding man was announcing as she tuned in. " We have a confirmed sighting of a twister that touched down right outside of town and it appears to be moving eastward rather quickly. I urge you to take cover now."

Casey felt the tears streaming down her cheeks as fear immobilized her. She tried to move, willed her legs to work as she did her best to ignore the pounding of her heart in her chest.

A loud crash caused her to snatch her eyes away from the television and they landed on the treetop she'd been watching earlier as it came forcefully through her living room window. The invasion caused glass to scatter everywhere and a rush of wind and rain tore through the small space, sending papers flying and objects falling. The candles that decorated the mantel toppled quickly, falling the floor with another crash as their heavy silver candlesticks banged and rolled under the furniture.

Her heart was hammering, She turned rapidly and began to race towards the basement door. She was almost there when she turned the corner to enter the kitchen and ran headlong into a wall of chest.

" Are you okay ?" Cappie asked her, his voice booming over the sound of the rain and thunder.

She looked at him in startled disbelief for a moment. Then she crumbled against him wrapping her arms around his waist and holding to him as if the wind might grab her up next and carry her away.

" It's okay." He told her. " I've got you. Where's the basement ?"

She pointed to a door in the corner of the room and they just made it there as the lights went out around them, casting them into almost pitch black darkness.

Casey had an irrational urge to glance at her watch. It should be around two in the afternoon, yet the darkness outside was nearly complete.

She felt as if she had somehow stepped into some kind of time portal or had lost hours without realizing it.

" Do you have a flashlight on you ?" Cappie was asking as he opened the door and urged her inside.

She dug her hand into her pocket and pulled out a small flashlight. Flipping it on, she eased down the first few steps.

As the door banged closed behind her, she turned and watched as Cappie held it tightly closed while trying to slid the lock into place at the same time. She could see the struggle and the amount of strength he was employing in the flexing muscles of his arms.

" Why won't it close ?" She asked in a sort of dazed stupor.

The lock clicked and he gave her a smile. " It's closed, see ? It's fine."

He was pushing her downward again, taking a flashlight of his own out of his back pocket, he flipped it on and the staircase was suddenly flooded in light. " That's not a flashlight," He gestured towards her tiny, penlight. " This is a flashlight." Casey recognized it as being similar to the ones the police always carried in their belts. It was heavy and durable and most importantly, it gave off a good deal more light than hers.

" How did you get here ?" She asked as her feet touched the solid concrete of the basement floor.

" I looked outside after I talked to you and I knew there was no way you were going to make it." He explained as they found an old couch in the corner and sat down to wait. He shrugged a touch sheepishly. " I knew you were alone and scared. I could hear it in your voice on the phone."

She gave him a smile, not anywhere near its normal brilliance but it was a smile all the same. Then she touched the hand that was resting on his thigh and squeezed it. " Thank you."

He laughed tightly. " Don't go getting all gushy. I'd have done the same for anyone."

She reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes, only then realizing how completely and utterly soaked he was. " No, you wouldn't have. But we have to get you out of those clothes."

He held his hands up playfully. " Now you're talking." His eyes twinkled even in the darken, so brightly they almost had a light all their own.

She stood and went to the washer and dryer in the corner of the room. After rifling through a few baskets that had been left there by the girls while doing their laundry, she found a bathrobe and tossed it to him.

He grabbed it out the air and eyed it suspiciously. " Case, if we die down here, I'm not sure I want to be found in a pink Chenille bathrobe."

Her eyes widened and she gasped at his words. To add to her distress a particularly loud clap of thunder shook the house to its foundation and she was instantly in his arms, hugging her to him tightly.

" Are we really going to die down here ?" She asked.

He pulled her away from him and smiled. " Of course not. We'll be fine. We just have to wait it all out now. Everything's fine. It was a joke though obviously one in very poor taste."

The house was shaking almost continuously now and the thunder rattled overhead nonstop. Despite being underground the roar of the storm was in no way dampened. In fact, it seemed louder now than it was before.

Cappie dropped the robe to the couch and pulled her down to the floor in front of it. His body covered hers as he leaned over her where they sat on the ground.

It seemed like hours that they sat there, waiting for something, anything to break the raging storm.

Then suddenly there was nothing but silence.

Casey gasped and clutched at Cappie tightly. There was something approaching. She could hear it outside the windows, something huge and terrible and awe-inspiring.

Cappie forced her head down to his chest, shielding her as much as he could.

It felt as if all the air were being sucked out of the space as the huge something, got closer and closer to them.

Then there was a noise. Not the noise of the storm, but something far more menacing, more ominous. Something far more powerful. It sounded like a rumble, a deep growl from the heavens that seemed to stretch out to eternity. Unending and so loud it vibrated Casey eardrums.

" It's okay." Cappie was reassuring her. " I've got you." He was shouting over the noise that seemed to fill every available space around them.

Then she screamed as the loudest bang she had ever experienced penetrated the air and everything went to blackness.

" Case," Someone was talking to her, shaking her shoulders and saying her name with an urgency that grabbed her attention. " Casey, answer me. Are you alright ? Talk to me."

She recognized the voice a moment before her eyes fluttered open and met his.

" Are we dead ?" She asked, her voice hoarse and a bit choked.

His face moved from worry to smiling in an instant. " No, we aren't dead. Can you move ? Are you okay ?"

He still sounded worried but the strained smile helped to ease her mind.

She shifted, ignoring the twinges she felt from having tensed rarely used muscles for so long. Then a far more acute pain seared through her and she stopped moving quickly.

" Where ?" He asked, seeing the tension in her face. " Where are you hurt ?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come like she expected them to. Then she cleared her throat and tried again. " My leg." She gasped out finally.

Cappie pulled away, removing his arms from around her and flicked on the flashlight to examine her leg. He only had it on for a moment. Just as she was struggling to sit up and survey the damage herself, the light went out and she couldn't see anything.

" I want to see." She protested. " Turn it back on."

" It's fine." He answered casually. " Nothing to see. Besides we need to conserve the batteries as much as possible."

She rolled her eyes and ground her teeth against the pain. " You are a horrible liar. Turn the damned light back on."

His hand fell to her shoulder. " Okay. I'll tell you. Then you won't have to see."

" I'm going to see it soon anyway. Just let me look."

" Casey, trust me. You don't need to see it." His tone was so serious she gasped.

" Is it that bad ? Do I still have a leg ?"

He laughed. " Yes, you still have a leg. There's just a gash across it."

" What ?" She shrieked, snatching the light from his hand and flicking it on despite his protests.

He had been right. Just the sight of her leg, laying there with a large gash covering her knee made her stomach roll. " What do we do ?" She demanded.

He took the light from her. " We have to wait for an ambulance."

" Have you called one ?" She asked, still so shocked she couldn't think at all.

" No, I tried but nothing went through. I was going to go find help, but I didn't want you to wake up all alone."

She grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down for a quick hug. " Thank you."

" I'm going to go upstairs. Will you be alright until I get back ?" He asked.

" Of course." She answered automatically. Though the more distant his footsteps got, the less certain she felt.

There was a banging at the top of the stairs and she thought she heard him mutter and curse under his breath. Another loud bang and suddenly his steps were coming back to her.

" Something's blocking the door up there. I'm going to try one of these windows." He announced as he came nearer.

" Those windows are too small for you to fit through." She answered, looking towards the portals.

" You're right." He agree as his body flopped down beside her. " I guess we're trapped until someone finds us."

" Trapped ?" She yelped.

His arms came around her again and he pulled her torso into his chest. " It's okay. We'll be fine. People know we're do here. They'll find us. We just need to sit tight and wait." He explained in a comforting soothing tone. Then he pulled away and stood up. " But first we need to do something about that gash."

She grimaced at the thought.


	3. Chapter 3

" What exactly do you intend to do about it ?" Casey asked, as she eyed him suspiciously.

" We are going to clean it up and cover it to keep it from getting infected." He answered, forcing his voice to sound smooth and confident. The sight of her knee actually made him a bit queasy. He had never been a huge fan of blood and there seemed to be a lot of it oozing from the wound.

He went to the washer and dryer area and glanced around at what was available to him.

It was sitting back on the shelf behind bottles of fabric softener and bleach. He had hoped they would have it here. It was, after all, the perfect instrument in removing any kind of organic stain. He had no idea why he knew that or who had told him, but it was something that stuck apparently.

He snatched the bottle of peroxide and grabbed a clean towel as well.

" This is only going to hurt for a second." He assured as he returned and knelt beside her leg.

" What are you going to do to me ?" She demanded, struggling to sit up so she could see him more clearly.

He put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her back down softly. " You trust me, right ?"

She shook her head violently. " No, I don't trust you."

He sighed and gave her his serious face. " Have I ever given you reason to doubt me ?"

She looked like she was thinking about that, but as soon as he started to move his hand, her eyes went wide again.

" Case, I've never hurt. I'm not going to now. Just relax and this will be over in a few seconds."

She settled back to the floor reluctantly. " That isn't really true, you know." She said before he finished unscrewing the lid off the bottle.

" What isn't ?" He asked, casting his eyes over his shoulder as he worked.

" You have hurt me." She confessed. " Maybe not intentionally and not physically. But you have."

He sat back quietly, staring at her leg but not touching it. He knew what she was doing. A serious conversation would take her mind off her injury and keep her occupied. He just wasn't sure he could have THIS conversation with her. He had been avoiding it for two long years.

" I know." He finally said quietly as he began to pour the clear liquid from the bottle directly onto the gash on her knee.

She sucked in a breath of pain as it hit her and her eyes closed, but they immediately opened again. "I guess we both did a pretty good job of hurting each other."

Picking up the towel, he used it to softly dab at the spot where the peroxide was bubbling. " Yeah, I guess we did."

She raised up on her elbows and touched his shoulder. " We were both young and stupid. It's over now."

" Obviously it isn't if we're still talking about it two years later." He answered.

" I don't think we've ever really talked about what happened." She replied, trying to get a peak of her leg from over his shoulder.

" Stop it." He told her, glancing back at her. " It'll just freak you out. Let me handle this."

" You know I can't do that." She answered, still edging around him.

" Yeah, maybe that was a little bit of our problem." He muttered as he covered the wound with the towel and held it for a few minutes to make the bleeding stop completely.

" What is that supposed to mean ?" She asked, flopping back down when she realized he wasn't going to let her have her way.

Moving the towel, he eyed her leg critically. " It means you can be a bit of a control freak sometimes." He said, finally turning back to her. " And this isn't as bad as I thought. Probably doesn't even need stitches. It just bled a lot."

She gave him a snort. " I'm not a control freak."

He eased up beside her and stretched out, letting his side rest against hers. " Yes, you are."

" Yeah, well you're an immature, irresponsible brat hell bent on staying a child forever." She retorted, not really anger, but clearly getting there quickly.

He just nodded against her hair and smiled up at the ceiling. " You're absolutely right."

She started to reply, but stopped as his words hit her brain. " You weren't supposed to agree."

He chuckled as he pulled her into him, letting her head rest on his shoulder. " Why wouldn't I ? How could I not agree with that ?"

She hesitated at first, but gave up before it really started and made herself comfortable on his shoulder. Her hand fell to the center of his chest and he covered it with his, realizing suddenly that her hand was cold.

" Are you cold ?" He asked.

" Well, the wind is blowing through what's left of the windows. It's kinda chilly." She answered, starting to snuggle into him.

Reluctantly, he raised up, easing her off of him and got to his feet.

" Where are you going ?" She asked, worry lacing her words.

" I'm finding a blanket." He answered, " Or something to cover up with."

He didn't search long before stumbling across a box filled with old comforters and other bedding type items. He grabbed a pillow and a thick blanket and returned to her.

She was still staring up at the ceiling, but her eyes found his as soon as he came into view. " Do you think the ceiling is stable ?"

" Do you mean, do I think the entire house is going to fall in on us at any minute ?" He asked, bending down to her and pulling her into his arms. " No, I think we're okay here."

" Where are we going ?" She answered as she wrapped her arms around his neck and let him lift her. "And I can walk."

He laughed. " We are going to the couch which is far more comfortable than the floor and I know you can, but this is easier and I can be sure your leg won't start bleeding again this way."

Settling her into the cushions, he put the pillow under her head and started to lay down beside her again, but she stopped him before he got too far.

" I know you're trying to keep me warm and its really nice of you. In fact it was really comfortable, aside from the fact that your clothes are still soaking wet." She told him with a smile.

He glanced down at his t-shirt and jeans and realized she was right. He hadn't even noticed until then. He was so concerned about her.

" Besides," She laughed, " How are you supposed to take care of me, if you catch pneumonia ?"

He lowered his eyes and looked at her from under his dark lashes. " I'm not really taking care of you. That's someone else's job now. I'm just standing in for the moment."

She looked away from him as if his words stung her and he felt a little guilty for a second. So he smiled. " But in an effort to be a good stand-in, I'll change. But I'm not wearing that pink robe."

She watched him walk to the end of the couch and her eyes fell to his hands as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and raised it over his head. " Then what are you wearing ?"

" Nothing ?" He offered.

She shook her head. " You might be mortified to be found down here in a pink robe. But there is no way I'm going to be found down here with a naked ex-boyfriend."

He stepped back to her after shedding his jeans and raised his arms to his side, showing off his boxers. " How about a compromise ?"

" Aren't those wet, too ?" She asked and he almost crossed his arms over his chest as she stared at his bare chest.

" No, they aren't. They're fine." He replied, waiting for her to give him the go ahead.

He shivered and she noticed because she stopped arguing and raised the blanket for him. He immediately dived under the warmth of the cover and wrapped his arms around her.

" Careful, if you hit my knee with your leg, I swear I'll make you sorry." She threatened.

" I'm not going to hit your knee." He announced just as his leg brushed hers. Her hand flashed out to his chest and she hit him soundly.

" Wow, that was uncalled for since I didn't actually hit your knee." He said with a smile. " You're stronger than I remember."

" That's funny." She smiled back, " You're just as uncoordinated and clumsy as I remember."

He finally settled into a comfortable position though the couch was really too small for the both of them and they stilled.

" I'm not clumsy." He muttered after a moment or two of silence.

" Yes, you are. You always have been."

" That's not fair. I'm not clumsy at all when I'm sober. You've just haven't seen me that way too often." He answered, sullenly.

" Yeah, maybe that was a little bit of our problem." She threw his earlier words back at him.

He wanted to offer some sly retort, some crafty, snappy answer, but even as he opened his mouth, he knew there was nothing he could say to that, except the one thing she probably needed to hear. Had been needing to hear for a really long time.

" I'm sorry." He murmured into her hair. " You're right."

She leaned back from him and her eyes were wide with surprise. " What was that ? I'm not sure I caught it."

He smiled at her ruefully and rolled his eyes. " I said, I'm sorry. You're right."

" Yeah, that what I thought I heard. But then I thought, this is Cappie. Surely, I'm wrong." She teased him.

" Okay, have your fun. Enjoy it."

" Oh, I will." Her eyes were bright and twinkling as she looked down from slightly above him and he noticed exactly how close she was for the first time.

Her leg, which was draped over his shifted perceptibly and her chest pressed into his as she took in a breath. But before he had a chance to mention their position and shift away from her, she laid back into his arms and let her head fall to his shoulder. Then he was completely helpless to move at all.

" This is nice." She murmured a touch sleepily. " It feels very.... familiar."

His arms tighten just a touch on their own and if she noticed, she didn't acknowledge it.

" Yes, it does." He answered after a moment.

" I wonder how long we'll have to wait before someone finds us."

" Shouldn't be too long." He answered.

" I hope everyone up there is okay."

" I'm sure they're all fine."

She shifted raising her head from his chest and letting it rest on his arm behind her head instead. Her eyes found his and apparently she suddenly realized how close they were as well because they widen for a moment before turning a dark, emerald green.

He knew those eyes. He knew every color they could become and what each color meant. She had the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. So expressive and emotional. And the eyes that looked back at him at the moment were his favorite.

His breath caught in his chest as he watched her closely, trying to judge from her expression what she was going to do.

She would either lean in closer or pull away from him. He could see the debate raging in those eyes. He stayed as still as possible, not wanting to do anything that might sway her decision either way. He wanted it to be her choice. And he would accept her choice either way.

Cappie was a patient man. It helped that he truly believed that one day, sooner or later, he would be able to call her his again. Whether that was now or not wasn't up to him. He remembered telling Rusty that it was torture to watch the woman you loved in the arms of another man. And he had meant it. Every minute was a new piece of pain delivered right to his heart. He hated that Rusty was having to go through the same thing and wished there was something he could do for him, some way he could shield him from having to go through what Cappie had spent two years enduring.

While he was thinking, Casey made her decision and she surprised him by neither pulling away or leaning in closer. Instead she raised her hand and brushed a stray lock of hair from his eyes.

" We really screwed things up, didn't we ?" She said, as she looked at him dreamily. Her eyes had shifted from the emerald green to the hazel they normally were and he was almost sorry to see the change.

He nodded, not wanting to rehash their past any longer and hoping his non-responsiveness would make her understand that.

She put her head back to his shoulder and her eyes fell to the ceiling again. It was beginning to get dark outside and what little light they had was fading with the setting sun. He wished it wouldn't. He wanted to still be able to see her face clearly, to try to figure out what she was thinking.

" I wish we could go back and fix things between us." She mumbled and he almost didn't hear her.

" I wish we could, too." He replied unable to keep himself from placing a soft kiss on her hair.

" I didn't mean for things to end the way they did." She continued and he let her, deciding it was best to just lay back and let her say whatever she had to say. " But I spent so many nights crying over you, I just couldn't do it anymore."

He raised up at that, dislodging her and causing her to let out a soft, startled yelp. " You spent nights crying over me ?" He asked as his eyes found hers in the fading light.

" You have no idea how many." She answered solemnly.

" No, apparently I don't. I wish I had though." He told her. " I wish you had just told me how unhappy you were." Her eyes were searching his face. " I would have done anything for you. I still would."

She reached up and stroked his cheek. " That's why we're both to blame. I should have told you. I know that. But I wasn't sure you would listen and I was afraid I'd end up pushing you away. Like you said, I'm a bit of a control freak. I figured if I said anything, you would think I was trying to make you something you weren't."

He considered her words but still he couldn't understand their motivation. He still didn't know what he had done to hurt her so badly. " Why ?" he asked, finally.

She blinked in confusion. " Why what ?"

" Why were you crying over me ? I still don't really understand what I did that was so wrong. I have no idea what I did to send you flying to Evan." He explained.

She sat back and shifted, trying to get comfortable without him to lean on. " It was every night, Cappie. I know you couldn't see it, but it was. And the more involved with the house you got, the more ignored I felt."

His breath caught at her words and his chest gave a painful throb. " I made you feel ignored ?"

She rolled her eyes to the ceiling. " Ignored, unwanted, tossed aside." She elaborated and every words was like a knife stabbing into him. " I loved you so much and all I wanted to do was spend every minute with you, but you were always too busy for me. You always had something going on with your brothers."

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out at first, confusion rattled his brain. That wasn't the way he remembered things at all. " But, you were always there with me."

" Yes, I was. I was always there to pick you up and drag you home when you were too drunk or high to make it on your own. I was always there patiently waiting in the background, unless it was the frequent occasion when you forgot to come get me at all." She answered.

He was numb, sitting there staring back at her in utter disbelief. Had he really treated her like that ? Had he done all those things to her ?

He grabbed her hands in his and squeezed them. " I had no idea. I never meant for you to feel like that. You were the most important thing in my life."

She gave him a rueful smile. " Really ? Cause I always felt like I was about third on that list."

He dropped her hands and ran his through his hair. " No wonder you left me."

She took his hands back and let her smile brighten. " You are a classic case of ' you don't know what you've got till its gone'."

" But Evan ?" He said after a moment. " Did you really have to go to Evan ?"

She looked down at their hands for a long time before looking up at him again. " He was there for me when you weren't. I know I hurt you when we started dating and I didn't mean for that to happen."

He cocked an eyebrow at her.

" Okay, a small, evil, spiteful part of me may have been trying to hurt you. I'm human. I'm not perfect. But I promise you, I never even thought about Evan like that until after I realized that there was no hope for us."

" Yeah, well, he thought about you like that enough for both of you." He replied, settling back down to the couch.

She followed and soon found his shoulder again. " I know. Maybe that was one of the reasons I ran to him like I did. I felt like he appreciated me and you didn't."

" I'm so sorry, Case. I really had no idea." He told her, looking back to the ceiling.

" I know and that was my fault. I should have told you. I should have made you understand what you were doing to me, doing to us. I just wasn't strong enough then."

They fell silent after that, both of them lost in their own thoughts of the past. Cappie let his mind wander back to those memories that he kept locked tightly away, those memories that were too painful for him to examine too closely. And in doing so, he knew she was absolutely right. He had taken her for granted, ignored her, treated her like she was less than the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him.

Now he had no idea how to make that up to her. He wasn't even sure she wanted him to try. She had moved on. He was her past. And no matter what he told himself about the future, none of it was ever going to happen until he made her understand exactly what she meant to him.


	4. Chapter 4

The darkness was finally complete when Cappie blinked his eyes opened and realized they had fallen asleep. The chill in the air stung his nose and he shifted, burying his face in the warmth of Casey's hair for a time.  
She moved when he did, waking slowly from her nap and instantly she tensed. Then seconds later, she relaxed back into his arms, shifting only slightly to find a better position.

" Are you awake ?" She whispered against his cheek.

" I am now." He nodded.

" Why hasn't anyone come for us yet ? What's taking so long ?" There was panic lacing her voice and he could tell she was just barely holding back a full blown attack.

His arms tightened around her in reassurance. " It's okay, Case. There's probably a lot of damage up there. They'll be here soon."

It was only seconds later that they heard a scraping sound at the top of the staircase. Gently removing himself from the couch, he took the blanket she was offering him, wrapped it around his nearly naked body and went to check on the source of the noise.

" Casey ?" Ashleigh's voice called from the other side of the solid wood door.

" We're down here." He answered. " Casey's hurt. She cut her knee pretty bad."

" Cappie ?" Ashleigh asked in confusion.

" Yeah," He acknowledged.

" What are you doing here ?"

" Can we maybe have this conversation face to face instead of through the door ? I want someone to look at her leg."

" It's a real mess up here, Cap." Rusty's voice was the one that answered him. " Hold tight. We'll have you out in a few minutes."

" Thank you." He called in relief as he headed back down the stairs.

Casey was sitting up now, trying her best to follow the movement through and get to her feet. It was obvious from the ginger way she moved her injured leg that she was in pain, but her face was a solid mask of concentration.

He moved to her quickly and put his hand on her shoulder, holding her in place. " It's going to be a minute. Rusty said it was a mess up there."

" The house ?" She asked with that touch of panic again as she looked up at him.

" Doesn't matter." He shook his head. " You're alive and relatively unhurt. Ashleigh's fine, Rusty's fine. That's all that counts."

She nodded in agreement." Thank you, Cap. I couldn't have gotten through this without you. You saved me."

He snorted and waved off her words. " Maybe from boredom, but you would have been fine if I hadn't come along. You can handle anything."

She batted his shoulder. " Would you just take the thank you and say you're welcome ?"

He shrugged. " Okay, you're welcome." Then he sat down and turned to face her. " Before we get all rescued and go back to you being you and me being me, I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that happened between us. And I'm really thankful that you managed to get past all that so that we can be friends."

" There wasn't that much to get past, Cap. I never hated you. It wasn't like that. I was angry and hurt for a little while, but it wore off pretty quickly." She took his hand in hers. " I like being your friend. No matter what else we ever were to each other, being your friend was always my favorite part."

" I wonder where we'd be now if I had just noticed what was happening between us." He commented offhandedly, or at least he tried to make it seem that way.

" You mean would we still be together ?" She asked, taking in his expression carefully. Then she shrugged. " With Evan and Frannie doing everything they could to see to it that didn't happen, I doubt it. Something else would have gotten in our way."

" Yeah, I just made it easy for them."

She batted his shoulder. " Would you stop that ? We were young. You weren't alone in everything. I did my part. I could have said something to you. I could have made you understand. But I didn't. So it wasn't just you."

Their eyes followed a noise from the top of the stairs and they waited to see if the door was opening. When it still didn't, they turned back to each other again.

" How did we get on this subject anyway ? I thought we were getting pretty good at this friends things. I don't want to rehash our past anymore. It's over and done with." She gave him a smile.

Another louder noise drew her attention for a moment. And for some reason, he was completely helpless to prevent himself from reaching out and taking her hand back. She turned to him quickly, shocked by the sudden movement, but she didn't pull away and he was grateful for that.

"I was just thinking the other day that it was been forever since I've seen you smile, really smile." He told her. " It's a shame. You have the most beautiful smile."

" I smile." She protested.

" Not like you used to." He argued.

" I do smile. I smile all the time."

He laughed. " You smile the ' I wish I was anywhere but where I am smile'. The one that means you are making the best of the situation because you have no other choice. I never liked that smile."

She took her hand back and raised her eyebrows at him. " You just said my smile was beautiful, now you don't like it."

He shook his head. " I said the real smile, the genuine one that takes over your whole face is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But the fake one is sad because it means you could be happier."

They were silent for a while, quietly listening to the movement going on above them. But there was something he needed to know. Something that had been nagging him for a while now and it seemed the perfect time to bring it up.

" Last year, during midterms," He began, waiting to see if she understood what he was talking about. When she nodded slightly, he plunged on. " Why did you pick Evan ? I mean, I thought with everything that happened while we were doing the paper, I thought maybe there was a chance for us again."

His voice sounded so small and weak that he bite the inside of his cheek in frustration. Then he watched her face take on a pained expression before she shrugged.

" I thought maybe there was, too, for a minute. But when you told me what you did, bribing the TA, I don't know, it just seemed like more of the same old Cappie. I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was leading you. I didn't mean for that to happen." She sighed and took her hand out of his. " I just imagined for a minute that you might have outgrown all the games and stunts." Something must have shown on his face as her words stung him, because she began back peddling quickly. " I didn't mean it like that. I'm not sure I ever want you to outgrow the games and stunts, really. Its part of what makes you who you are. You have the most unique way of looking at life. I wish I could be more like you sometimes."

" You wish you were more like me ?" He raised his eyebrows at her.

" Sometimes. Nothing ever gets to you. Nothing stresses you out, or gets you down. The one thing I can always count on is the fact that when you smile, its always genuine. You don't have a fake one." She explained.

" And yet, that's the biggest reason that we aren't together ?"

" The biggest reason we aren't together is that we are over each other, I thought." She answered, moving away from him marginally.

Realizing that he had said more than he meant to, he backed away and smiled tightly. " Of course it is. That isn't what I meant. I mean its the biggest reason we broke up."

She blinked at him silently for a heartbeat. " I was wrong. Apparently you do have a fake one. I guess I've just never seen it before."

He stared back at her, knowing that no matter what he said now, it won't matter. She had seen the truth already. She knew. He had just affirmed for her that he was far from over her. His face betrayed his feelings so clearly that there was nothing he say to convince her otherwise. Now all he could do was sit back and wait for her to decide what to do with that information.

Apparently her decision was to do nothing, because she looked away from him as she moved another inch down the sofa, increasing the space between them yet again.

And before he had time to try to repair the damage, the sound of the door finally opening took his chance away.


	5. Chapter 5

The house was devastated. Not one window remained in tact. The roof was gone. The second and third floors had been deemed unstable. And all of the utilities were out. The girls had all been moved to temporary housing in a dorm, like many other houses on Greek Row.

Casey felt as if the tornado had a vendetta against the Greeks. It had traveled the length of Greek row almost exactly, tearing up houses, uprooting trees. Nothing had been saved.

Well almost nothing, and Casey wondered at the hidden irony of that as well. The Omega Chi house had withstood relatively well, managing the escape with a few mangled shingles. But the Kappa Tau was the thing that really surprised everyone. A smaller tree had been picked up from the front yard of the Kappa Tau house and the fences around the back was gone. Aside from than that the house was unharmed. Other than the lack of utilities, they had sustained no damage, as if God had reached down, amidst all the destruction and spared the already falling down, eye sore from harm.

It had been a week since the terrible day that Casey would never forget. Classes were set to resume on the following Monday and the utility companies had promised a return to normal operations by the end of the day, though no one believed that. This was the third day that particular promise had been made.

She cast her eyes around the tiny cramped dorm room and let out a hefty sigh. Two cots had been added to the room, bringing the total occupancy up to four. It felt something akin to summer camp and she was tired of constantly being surrounded by people. Ashleigh was with her of course, Jordon and Betsy were also being housed in the ridiculously small space.

She felt suffocated, stifled. For a few days, she had tried to stay with Dale and Rusty, but Dale's constant staring, and Rusty's moping had made the dorm seem a more pleasant option. Max still hadn't returned from Oxford and there was something in his voice when she spoke to him on the phone that caused her to worry. Something was going on in England that she couldn't figure out, but whatever it was, it was causing Max to be distant and guarded whenever they talked.

" No, I'm trying to find Casey Cartwright. Do you know which room is hers ?" A familiar voice in the hall brought her from her thoughts and she jumped from the bed and ran quickly to the door.

" Cappie ?" She asked, seeking him in the crowd that always seemed to be gathered in the hall. She found him towering over a freshman at the end of the hall.

His eyes lit up the instant she approached and his smile was contagious. " What are you doing here?"

" I'm here to rescue you. I have your R2 unit. I'm here with Ben Kenobi." He announced dramatically.

" Ben Kenobi." She laughed and took his offered hand. " Well, then what are we waiting for ?"  
She trailed along behind him, letting him led her to the fresh air by the hand. The warmth of his palm seemed to envelope her entire body and suddenly she didn't feel quite so suffocated.

" Rusty said you moved in here. What happened at the apartment ?" He commented as they stepped outside.

" I guess I just couldn't take living with the two of them anymore." She replied drawing a deep breath into her lungs.

" How's your knee ?" He glanced towards her, slowing his pace so she could keep up easily.

" Fine, the stitches came out yesterday. It looks great, no infection. They tell me that was because of the prompt medical attention I received. So thank you. The scar would have been worse if an infection had set in." She nodded to him in gratitude.

He shrugged. " Just doing my part to protect the perfect legs of the world."

" Where are we going exactly ?" She laughed.

" The house. We got our lights and water back on just a little while ago. Cable's still out, they say that might take a few more days."

" I heard you guys managed to escape unscathed. Wish we had been so lucky."

" How long will it be before you can move back home ?" He questioned, again glancing towards her.  
She had fallen into pace beside him and it was only then that she realized she was still clutching his hand in hers though the reason for the contact was gone. Still, she couldn't drop it and lose the heat that it granted her and he hadn't seemed to notice.

" They say it could be a month before we can move back. There's some structural damage to the upper floors that's going to take some extensive work to repair."

" Wow, a month. That's a long time to live with three other girls in a glorified closet." He commented.

" I feel like a refugee from some huge disaster." She added quietly.

He stopped and turned to her, giving her a lopsided, sardonic smile. " Case, you are a refugee from some huge disaster." She laughed, he joined her and they resumed walking. " I actually came to get you tonight with an ulterior motive."

She paused, faltering in her pace for a fraction of a second. " And what would that be ?"

" You'll see when we get to the house. Its a surprise. Though let me warn you before we ever get there, the place is a bit crowded as well. A lot of the guys have moved their girlfriends in with them for the time being. And since we're so cramped all over campus, no one's complaining."

She tensed the moment the ZBZ house came into view. A feeling of lose and sorrow took root in the pit of her stomach, resting there like a weight. The house that had once been so beautiful and majestic, the crowning glory of CRU's Greek Row, now lay in ruins, the devastation apparent over every surface.

Cappie dropped her hand and she almost protested until she felt his arm snake around her waist, pulling her into his side as they continued to walk.

" It's going to be okay, Case. You'll see, it'll be better than it was before." He reassured her, placing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

Her arm instinctually went around him and it tighten at his words and the kiss, as the weight seemed to lift preceptively. " It's not just the house." She said once they were past it. " I lost everything that day. My car was totaled, thrown into a tree. All my clothes are gone, all the things I gathered while I was here, everything."

" I know." He answered. " But you still have the memories and you and everyone you love is safe. That's what's really important."

She shook off the melancholy that was threatening her pleasant escape. " So what's this surprise ? Will I like it ?"

" I have no idea. I hope so. It would mean a lot to me if you do. But either way, I understand. It was just a thought I was kicking around." He answered, cryptically.

They had arrived at the front steps of the house and he pulled far enough away from her to guide her with a hand to the small of her back. " It's upstairs in my room. I believe you know the way."

She nodded and smiled, mounting the steps quickly and rushing inside.

" Is it a big something ?" She badgered him as they started up the staircase.

" It's okay sized." He replied. " More importantly it's something I think you need."

She stopped and turned to him. " It isn't expensive, is it ? You shouldn't be spending money on me."

He laughed and nudged her into movement again. " It didn't cost a dime."

They stopped outside his room, and he paused with his hand on the doorknob. " Now, like I said, it was just a thought and if it in any way makes you uncomfortable, all you have to say is no."

" Okay, open it already." She demanded, bouncing on the toes of her feet.

He turned the knob and held the door opened for her.

Stepping inside, it took her a moment to register what she was seeing. His large bed had been replaced with a single and beside it was another one to match. Another dresser had been added beside his and a desk had been added as well, complete with a computer.

He saw where her eyes had fallen and gave a shrug. " The computer is yours. The guys and I sort of infiltrated the ZBZ house and I managed to save a few things from your room. I even rescued some clothes. I mean, I can't tell the difference between your stuff and Ash's but at least it's something to wear, right ?"

She went to the desk and ran her hand over the top of the monitor carefully. " It works ?" She asked, though she had no idea why. The computer didn't matter at all to her. It was the gesture behind its presence that had her shocked beyond words.

" Russ said it should. He couldn't see anything outwardly wrong with it. But feel free to fire it up and see." He had moved to the other side of the room, resting on one of the beds with his elbows on his knees as he watched her examining the things he had managed to salvage.

" What's up with the extra bed ?" She asked.

He sat up, straightening his shoulders and planting a serious expression on his face, on him it looked almost odd and out of place. " I'm offering you a place to stay. I know Rusty said you were uncomfortable with Dale leering at you all the time, and I can't promise I won't do the same, but at least you know when I'm doing it, it's harmless."

He was babbling nervously and she almost laughed out loud. It was a rare thing to see Cappie squirming anxiously.

" We have lights and water now. I can promise you unmolested showers and hot food, all you can eat. And there is plenty of entertainment around." He smiled. " You know us, a little tornado isn't going to stop our party."

She continued scanning her eyes over the desk, taking in an array of DVDs he had amassed for her. Everything from her favorite cartoons to sappy chick flicks. A group of books set beside them, and she realized as she scanned the title that most of them were her class books.  
She turned to him abruptly and raised her eyebrow in question. " There was a stack sitting on your side of the room, I figured you might need some of them since you are so determined to take this college thing seriously."

" I can't believe all this, Cap. It's too much." She told him as her brain finally began to process everything.

" It isn't too much. It's just enough." He answered.

" Do you really think we can share a room without driving each other crazy ?" She came to sit on the opposite bed, facing him.

" Well, we are a lot like the odd couple. But they managed. I think we can handle it for a month."

" The school is never going to allow me to live in a fraternity house."

He laughed. " The school is in such upheaval right now, they have no idea where half their students are living. As far as they have to know, you're still tucked away in your closet."

She studied his face as she thought about the offer. The temptation to escape from the dorm was almost overwhelming.

" If you're worried about Max, I know it isn't how you normally play the game, but under the circumstances, maybe he doesn't have to know everything." He added watching her.

" Okay."

" Okay ?" he asked, quickly.

" Yeah, okay. I'll move in with you." She nodded.

" Well, then," he sat up a little and beamed a smile at her, " Make yourself at home, Roomie."


	6. Chapter 6

The sun had long since set behind the horizon outside the small, third story window. Casey heaved a great sigh as her eyes wondered there and rested for a time. A streetlight had blinked on and was now shining through the beige blinds, lurking right outside and peaking around the edges like it was trying to get a glimpse of what was going on inside.

The room was ghostly quiet, only the soft rhythmic sounds of Cappie sleeping only a few feet away broke the silence. She had forgotten how much she had missed the sound. She let her eyes drift closed and concentrated on the noise, she found it familiar, peaceful and lulling.

This was becoming strange. Just today she had accidentally walked in on him, fresh from the shower with nothing covering him a part from a towel draped low over his narrow hips. She had had to close her eyes in a fight to keep herself from obsessing over the droplets of water that fell from his hair, onto his shoulder and created a stream down the length of his chest.

Max had been gone for far too long, she decided when she found it so easy to conger the image back to the forefront of her mind. But even as the thoughts developed in her brain, she knew it wasn't the reason for her mind's apparent betrayal.

She had always been attracted to Cappie. It was senseless to deny it. There had always been something almost impossible for her to resist about him physically.

He was big, first of all. Max was shorter, less wide, less broad, lanky to the point of fragile. Cappie was solid and muscled and strong, aspects that had always appealed to her in a man.

Her eyes drifted to the bed when she heard him shift in his sleep and she let her attention rest there, watching him curiously.

It was something else that felt oddly normal, familiar to her. When they were together she had spent many nights watching him as he slept off the night's party.

She squelched the thought, pushed it away. It was unfair of her to continue to dwell on what had happened in the past. Since she had moved in, Cappie had been, at least mostly sober every night. And she knew a week was a long time for him to abstain. She also knew that for some reason he was doing it for her. Like he thought it would matter to her if he stayed up with his friends and drank himself into a stupor.

Of course it wouldn't. She had no right to tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing with his time. She had even been tempted to join the continuous party downstairs a night or two. She wasn't, after all, a prude. She liked a good binder as much as the next girl. It was the nightly binder that she hadn't been able to handle. It was the ceaseless partying that had been her undoing. If he had only been able to learn a little moderation...

She wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. Was the answer ... they might still be together ? Was it ....he would have been perfect ? Because he was. Everything about him had been perfect to her, except the constant drinking and ignoring her, of course.

Now she was just confusing herself. Max was the perfect one. Max was who she wanted. Max was who she loved.

She felt her mouth tug up in a smile as Cappie made a soft groaning sound.

It occurred to her that he also hadn't seen anyone since she moved in. That was curious, too. Cappie was notorious for not having an empty bed for long. That was a fact that she couldn't seem to come to terms with. It grated on her. She wasn't sure why. Well, she knew partly why. Part of it was that she wanted him to be happy. More than anything else, she wanted him to find someone that made him happy. No matter how much he pretended, how much he tried to be the womanizing stud bent of sleeping his way through the ranks of Greek Row and beyond, she knew that wasn't who he really was. She knew the real him. The romantic, caring, gentle man that he didn't let others see. Maybe she was the reason for that. He had let her see it and look what she had done with the knowledge, thrown it back in his face as she waltzed away with his best friend.

The familiar guilt and shame nearly consumed her like it always did when she thought back to the way things had ended between them.

She could have handled the entire thing better, should have handled it better. She loved him. She hadn't meant to hurt him. She had never wanted to hurt him. But she had, betrayed him in the most basic way. And it caused a lump to form in the pit of her stomach every time she thought about it.

As he slept quietly on, she found herself rising from the desk where she had been studying and moving to the bed that was now hers. Her gaze was fixated on him and when she was close enough, she reached a hand out and smoothed a stray hair from his brow. It was an unconscious move, something done with no forethought or motive but once it was done, she wished she hadn't.

Now instead of him, it was Max that she was betraying. Maybe that was who she was. Maybe she was the kind of woman that couldn't remain faithful to just one man. Maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with her that caused her emotions to stray without cause or justification. She didn't want to believe that. But the evidence was a little overwhelming.

This would all be so much easier if Cappie would just settle down with someone, start a real relationship with someone he might eventually truly care about. Someone funny that would laugh at all his jokes. Someone with just enough of a wild side to be able to keep up with him, yet enough of a sense of responsibility to keep him grounded. Someone strong enough to be there for him on the very rare occasion when he needed an ear to unload into and a shoulder to sag against. She would have to have a forgiving nature. It was a fact that Cappie was far from perfect. She would have to be patient and independent, understanding about the fact that his brothers and his house were important parts of his life. Someone spontaneous enough to not get upset by a frequent change of plans, because Cappie was not a planner. It wasn't like him to normally put much thought into how he would be spending an evening, or who he would be spending it with. A nice girl with no ulterior motives. Someone that would never dream of hurting him and would do everything she could to make sure she didn't.

Her breath caught in her throat for a moment as she delved deeper into her thoughts and came out the other side realizing she had, except for the last part, just described herself.

Though to be honest with herself she knew she wouldn't really trust him with anyone but herself. He was too important to her. So many of her firsts were wrapped up in him.

Her first college boyfriend, her first college friend, her first college crush, her first lover. She had been with him the first and only time she had ever been arrested. He was with her the first and only time she had sneaked into a movie without paying. He was the first man she had ever told she loved. She was with him the first time she ever went skinny dipping, the first time she had ever drank so much that she passed out, the first time she sang Karaoke in a bar full of people.

He had been there for every part of her transformation from Casey Cartwright, spoiled, shallow, prom queen to Casey Cartwright, mature, responsible, independent woman. He hadn't just been there. In fact he had helped her get where she was. Helped her far more than Evan ever had.

He'd held her hand when she was scared. Let her cry on his shoulder when it all become too much for her to cope with. He raised her spirits when she was low, seeing these times as a challenge to his wit and charm. He would spent hours ceaselessly battering away at her dark mood and not giving up until she was laughing so hard tears rolled down her cheeks.

That was Cappie, at least a part of him. But there was so much more underneath the surface than just comic relief.

He was so smart, almost as intelligent as Max. Certainly as smart as Rusty. He could be anything he wanted to be. She was sure of it. The only thing holding him back was his need to not feel so pinned down and burdened by all the seriousness that applying oneself entailed.

He wasn't lazy. She had thought so at first. But now she knew there was nothing lazy about him. On the contrary, he was industrious and full of life and energy to the point that it was mind blowing. Always the last one standing at a party, always the first one to get it started.

He was the most tender, gentle, caring lover she had ever had. But only when that was what the moment called for, at other times he was wild and untamed, almost minimalistic in his passions. And at other times still, he was playful and teasing, turning sex into an carnival ride that left her face hurting from smiling so much.

" Case ?" he whispered into the silence and she jumped, startled by his voice and his eyes looking back at her.

" I'm sorry." She mumbled snatching the hand away that was still playing through his long bangs. " I don't know what that was about."

His smile was weak and sleep laden. " Probably exhaustion. You should get some sleep. It's like three in the morning."

She glanced at the clock and realized that he was right. It was almost three in the morning. She had been sitting there watching him for almost an hour. It had only felt like a few seconds.

" Yeah, I guess you're right. I have class in the morning." She muttered and stretched out on her bed, sliding the coverings carefully over her.

" You have a morning class ?" He chuckled. " That's my Casey, always so industrious."

Her entire body tensed at his words and she turned to him abruptly. " What did you say ?" She asked, her voice much louder and more clear now.

" I said taking a morning class was industrious of you." He answered confused by her reaction.

She shook her head. " No, what did you call me ?"

He shrank back slightly as if he had said something he hadn't meant to. " I didn't mean anything by it." He announced quickly. " I guess no matter what I'll always see you as, my Casey."

She looked away from him not sure how to read the expression on his face, regretful, guilty, disappointed, sad. It was all there at once and she had to escape it.

" It's fine." She punched her pillow a few times and pulled it into her chest longways. " I'll see you in the morning."

She watched in silence as he reached up and flicked off the light between them. But his eyes stayed on her the entire time. " What were you thinking about just now ?"

" I was thinking that you need a haircut." She lied easily as she shifted to get more comfortable.

His sigh was audible and she saw him move his hand through his hair in the soft light from the window. " I was thinking maybe I'd grow it all the way out, get one of those Euro-Trash ponytails all the hot guys have."

She laughed, unable to help herself. " I'm not sure you could pull off the ponytail."

He laid back, staring up at the ceiling while he talked. " I always imagined that I was hot enough to pull anything off."

" I hate to be the voice of reason and truth, here but its best you know now, even your hotness has limits." She giggled.

He threw his hands over his heart in mock pain. " You wound me." He cried dramatically, then he flopped to his side and propped his head on his hand. " So can I make an observation ?"

She blinked in surprise but nodded slowly. " I guess so." Then she thought about it. " Wait ! Am I about to be wounded ?"

" Of course not," He tsked. " I just wanted to ask you why it is that you are always the last of us to go to bed and the first one to be up in the morning. Is there some reason you aren't sleeping ? Is the bed not comfortable ? Am I snoring to loudly ? I don't think I snore. No one's ever told me if I do and it didn't bother you before."

" I sleep." She protested, hating that he had observed something she was trying very hard to hide from him.

" No. I live here. I see it every time you do sleep and you really haven't been doing much of it." He answered.

It was her turn to move to her back and stare up at the ceiling. " I don't really want to talk about it."

" Case, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything. You know that, right ?"

She nodded and knew he could see it even in the dark. " I'm just not ready to talk about it yet."

" Wow, is it that bad ?"

She turned back to her side and mimicked his position with her head propped in her hand. " Not really. I just feel silly about it. I'll be fine."

" Okay how about this ? Is it personal or school or sorority or family ?"

She laughed out. " Personal, I guess."

" About Max ?"

" No, though I will tell you that there is something going on with him. I'm not sure what it is but its all just a little strange. And now he's extended his visit for another month. It's like he's just not as anxious to get back as he was when he left, you know ?"

He sighed and dropped his head to the pillow behind him. " Don't be too hard on him. It's work. He's concentrating on his career like he should have a year ago."

She sat up at his seemingly offhanded comment. " What does that mean ? You think he should have gone to California ? Left me instead of staying ?"

He sat up as well, just much more slowly and wearily. The blue sheet that covered him pooled in his lap as he swung his feet to the floor. She was distracted for a moment by his bare chest gleaming in the moonlight.

" I'm saying exactly what you said about it when you found out, Casey. It was crazy for him to stay here because of a relationship that was a handful of weeks old."

" You wouldn't have done the same thing ?" She asked, settling her legs into an Indian style formation.

He paused as if considering that for a long time. Then he took a deep breath. " When I met you, when I first saw you I was totally obsessed with you. You were all I thought about all the time." He shifted and the sheet dipped even lower in his lap, not that she was paying it any attention. " I would have stayed. There wouldn't even have been a question in it for me. But I'm not Max. He's a different kind of person. His career has always been important to him. So the comparison really doesn't work."

" So Max was an idiot for staying but you would have made the same choice and that doesn't make you an idiot as well ?" She asked, edging closer to the side of the bed.

" I never said I wasn't an idiot. It's kind what I'm known for." He laughed.

She didn't. " But it isn't how you are. Never has been. You can pretend all you want out there with everyone else, but I know you better than they do."

" Well, okay. I'll buy that. But I still would have stayed for even a chance that things could work out with us." He replied seriously.

" Even if we'd only been dating a few weeks and it was the opportunity of a lifetime that you were throwing away ?"

His eyes darkened like they always did when he was about to say something profound and meaningful. The rich sapphires stared back at her unflinching as he spoke. " Casey, you were the opportunity of a lifetime for me."


	7. Chapter 7

He hadn't meant to say it. It was one of those times where he could actually see the words leaving his lips, watch them hanging there in the air between them, hovering through the void he had unintentionally created.

" I'm sorry." He muttered at seeing the expression on her face. " I didn't mean it that way." Now he was just filling the air with pointless new words, hoping to hide the ones he hadn't mean to say in the clutter.

" How exactly did you mean it, Cap ?" she asking shifting nervously on her own small bed.

He shrugged trying to lighten the suddenly heavy mood. " Okay, I did mean it. But it doesn't matter now. I fucked it up. I missed my opportunity of a lifetime. It's something I'll always regret."

He hated talking about his feelings. He hated putting himself out there and giving her a chance to stomp on him all over again. He wished she was, at least, cruel about it. But she never was. If she were cruel, he could be angry with her. He wanted to be angry, it would help him not feel so vulnerable. If he could just wrap his anger around him like a shield, he might be able to come through this without too much injury. But he couldn't. He had no reason to be angry with anyone other than himself. And that didn't help him now.

" I don't want you to look back at our time together with regret." She said breaking the silence.

" How could I not, Case ? I screwed up. If I had been paying attention, if I hadn't been so wrapped up in myself, who knows what could have happened." He explained.

She studied him quietly for so long he was afraid she wasn't ever going to talk to him again.

" It wasn't all you fault." She told him finally. " I did my share of screwing it up."

" It's over." He mumbled. " Let's just go to bed."

" Is it really over ? " She asked out of the blue as she shifted sliding back under her blankets.

How was he supposed to answer that ? Honestly, no he couldn't do that. Honesty would send her running back to the tiny dorm room to play summer camp with the girl so fast it would make his head spin. He hated lying to her. Whatever else he had done to her, he had never lied. But maybe a small lie for both their sakes was what was best.

" Yes. It really is over." He answered though the words sounded hallow and meaningless even to his own ears.

Of course it wasn't over. It would never be over, not for him. She was more than just the opportunity of a lifetime for him. She was the love of his lifetime, as well. He knew the minute he spied her across the crowded backyard of the Kappa Tau house. Still today he found himself standing near the porch sometimes, looking out towards the spot where he had first seen her, imagining her like she was then. She had been so innocent, so full of life and love. Care free and unburdened by what would become her life. It killed him at times, seeing her beautiful, narrow shoulders sagging with the stresses of her life. Stresses that she inflicted on herself. It didn't have to be the way she was making it. College was the last time in their lives where they could enjoy the fact that they were still kids for the most part. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was taking the notion to extremes, but if so, she was doing it, too. Only just the opposite of him. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her smile, heard the melody of her mesmerizing laugh. Even before the tornado. Even before her world was brought down around her in shambles.

And Max, Max was a catalyst for her. A champion that rallied her determination to suck all the fun out of life. He wondered if Max had ever even heard her laugh. Cappie couldn't imagine anyone, after hearing it just once, not doing everything in their power to make it happen all the time. If he could somehow figure out how to capture that laugh and fill himself up with so that it was the only noise he ever heard again, he could die happy.

Max was a douche that had no idea what he actually had. He couldn't appreciate her the way Cappie did. The very part of her that made her so unbelievable was the same part that Max deterred. Or maybe it was the fact that Max didn't really deter anything. He wasn't ever happy or sad or mad or moody. He was always just Max. There was no challenge in that. It was like Max went through his days existing instead of living and Casey was going along for the ride. That killed him, too. Casey was so vibrant, so spontaneous and flirty and bubbly and vivacious. At least that was how he remembered her, how he would always remember her. Seeing her like she was now drove him crazy. It was like a knife stabbing into his chest over and over again. She was killing the part of her that made her so incredibly and Max was helping her do it.

He shifted, easing his gaze to her face to find that she was already asleep. He propped his head up and studied her carefully.

She looked so tired, so strained. She looked like a woman stretched beyond her means. And that killed him, as well.

He never wanted her to have to worry about anything. Never wanted anything from the outside to touch her, to cause her brow to furrow, her lips to tug down in a frown. He never wanted her to have to worry about anything.

He knew that it wasn't possible. But he wished there was someway for him to be able to cover her, protect her, take all the stress on himself so that it couldn't reach her.

It wasn't his part to play in her life anymore. He found himself repeating that statement over and over all the time. No matter who she was with, no matter what she was doing or where she was, she would always be 'HIS' Casey. He had been trying to deprogram his brain for too long, to disconnect the words so that they didn't seem to just belong together anymore. Nothing had worked. For months he had chided himself, cursed himself, fought himself before he finally gave up. Nothing would ever change the sentiment for him. Until the day he died, he knew without a doubt that she would still be 'HIS' Casey.

Cappie wasn't a spiritual man. His parents were, always praying to the Goddess or the trees or the Earth or whatnot. But he had never jumped on that particular bandwagon. He wasn't really a religious man either. He had no idea what was up there looking down over all the little people, probably in something akin to disgust unless he missed his guess. But he did know that something was up there, maybe many somethings, maybe just the one, but it was something. And whatever that something was, it had created Casey for him. Just like it had created him for her.

Whatever it was, up there looking down had the power of some awesome foresight. It knew what both of them were going to need in their lives.

Casey needed someone to help her see the fun in life, something Cappie was an expert at. Cappie needed someone to keep him grounded and focused, something Casey did best. She was Yin to his Yang. Peas to his pod. Socks to his shoes. They just plain fit.

He couldn't understand why she didn't see it to. It was so obvious. They would be so good together now. Now that some time had past, some growing had been done.

Maybe the first time wasn't their time. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe there was a lesson that both of them had to learn in order to be better the next time. Cappie knew if he was ever privileged enough to be allowed to hold her again, he would never make the same mistakes he had before. He would do everything in his power, spend every waking moment of his life dedicating himself to making her feel loved and appreciated and adored.

He ran his hand over his face, stopping for a moment to scratch at the stumble on his cheek. He needed to take a moment suddenly, a moment to do something manly before a bunch of men broke through the door and demanded his ' Man card'.

She was turning him into Celine Dion or Barry Manilow. He felt that if he didn't stop his line of thinking, he just might jump up and start belting out the love theme from ' Titanic'.

_Near, Far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on...._

He jumped from the bed, trying to stay as quiet as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her, but he had to get away from her for a minute. Had to find a place in the small room where he couldn't see her. He needed a moment to regain his balance, to pull himself back from the whole situation before he did something stupid and irreversible. Making unbelievable idiotic, rash decisions was kinda his thing. But he knew the signs now at least. He could spot situations where he wasn't thinking as clearly he should be and step back from them. Give himself time to think things through. It was something she had taught him to do actually. Though she had no idea it was her. But seeing her, always so careful, always so thoughtful about every choice she made had changed him.

Something else she had given him in their short time together.

Despite his efforts at keeping quiet, apparently he had woken her. He heard the sound of her body shifting over the cotton sheets and turned back to her, expecting to find her staring back at him.

Instead he found her moving restlessly, eyes still closed in slumber, body rigid as she fought against an invisible foe. Soft noises were escaping her lips and they turned his blood to ice.

He was beside her instantly with absolutely no forethought to the decision. He just knew that something was there, inside her head and he had to save her from whatever it was.

Touching her shoulder lightly, he whispered her name into the darkness of the room. When she made no response, he tried again, shaking her this time and repeating her name more loudly.

It was on the third attempt that her eyes flew open, wild and unbridled as she thrashed out towards him. The moment she recognized him, all the fight was gone from her body and snatched hold of shoulders in something close to desperation.

Her small body clung to his as he held her, smoothing her hair and whispering words of reassurance in her ear. She was shaking so hard it was making him shake as well. Terror still filled her eyes when she finally pulled back and looked at him.

" Are you okay ?" He asked, her hair from her face.

She nodded, but said nothing.

" Has this been happening a lot ?" He said, staring into her large green eyes.

She wet her dry lips with the tip of her tongue. " Define a lot."

" Is this why you haven't been sleeping, Casey ? Are you having nightmares ?" He wasn't about to let her turn the situation into something flippant and unimportant.

" Maybe," She replied in a quiet almost inaudible voice.

" How is this possible ? I sleep less than three feet away from you. How can I not know this ?"

" I didn't want you to. It would just make you worry." She gave him an exasperated look. " Which is exactly what you're doing. See ? I knew it."

" Do you want to talk about it ? Do you remember the dream ?"

" No and yes." She answered definitively.

" Okay." He got up and moved to his own bed. " Is there anything I can do that might help you get some sleep ? You look exhausted."

She cast her eyes down, then back up and then down again.

" Oh, for God's sake, Case, what ?"

" Can I sleep with you tonight ?"

His eyes widened in surprise and he blinked several times trying to determine whether or not he had actually fallen asleep and was now dreaming.

She was blinking at him expectantly from under lowered lashes. She wasn't a woman that liked to admit a weakness or ask for help. He certainly wasn't going to make it any harder on her than it was.

He just lifted the blankets from him and held out his arm until she slid in beside him. Then he wrapped himself around her and buried his face in her unbelievably soft hair.

She was asleep again almost instantly, her small hands wrapped around his forearm that rested over her waist. He drifted off not long after, the smell of her hair and the sound of her breathing lulling him into the most peaceful slumber he had experienced in years.


	8. Chapter 8

The water splashed against the shore with the tranquil ebb and flow of the tide, rushing in with a whoosh and leaving with another. It was warm, not intensely hot like it had been during the daylight hours, just comfortably warm with a slight breeze coming off the water giving the air a damp, salty quality.

She was standing under a dock, lost to the world and everyone in it, except for the man standing beside her looking better than he had any right to look and staring at her with a darkness in his eyes that said far more than any words ever could.

She was smiling, her face ached from it, in fact. She couldn't remember the last time she had smiled so much. The feeling was elating. And free. She felt completely and utterly free. For now there were no weights resting on her shoulders. There were no troubles tugging at her, begging for attention. In that moment, there was nothing except her, the surf, the stars shining down on them and Cappie.

She wasn't exactly sure why she kissed. She couldn't remember the exact motivations for the unexpected move. It just seemed like the perfect thing to do and he was the perfect person to do it with.

She pulled back, slowly bringing her lips off of his and started to tell him something, something important. She wanted to tell him that she was ready, ready to try being together again. She wanted to say that she loved him, that she had never stopped loving him and she knew now that she never would. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was for ever hurting him and promise that she would never hurt him again. She wanted to let him know that she was his again, all his, forever if that's what he wanted.

But even as she opened her mouth to say all that and more, she could feel him slipping away from her. The sound of the surf was growing more and more distant. His eyes were becoming less and less blue. She tried to grab him, to hold on to those moments that they shared at Myrtle Beach.

It was slowly dawning on her what was happening.

She was dreaming. None of it was real. But that knowledge didn't stop her from trying to keep him with her, even as reality fought to jerk him away.

Reality won, like it always did and her eyes fluttered opened, blinking away the last of the dream against her will. The moment she realized she was no longer dreaming, she tensed. The very real reality of a warm body contoured against her back had her fully awake instantly.

She opened her eyes, scanning her still unfamiliar surrounding.

A soft sigh from behind her made her tense again, but as soon as the noise really registered in her brain, she relaxed. She knew that sigh, knew it as well as she knew her own. The arm around her waist tensed briefly and she held her breath, not wanting to wake him and end the moment before she had a chance to enjoy it.

She felt guilty for that. She shouldn't be where she was. She shouldn't be enjoying it as much as she was. She remembered asking him if she could sleep with him. She remembered crawling under the blankets beside him and instantly regretting asking in the first place. He was so warm, so wonderfully, utterly warm. And the moment his arm snaked around her and he drew her into his chest, she knew she really had made a huge mistake.

She couldn't ever remember feeling so safe, so protected, so content. It was overwhelming in its intensity.

She felt like a coward as she pretended to fall asleep right away but it was the only thing she could think of to make the whole situation bearable. If they continued talking, if she was forced to feel his breath brushing against her ear or the back of her neck, if she had to lay there and feel his chest rumbling against her back, she knew there would have been nothing strong enough in the world to keep her from turning in his arms and kissing him like she wanted to so badly she ached.

Again, she felt like a horrible person and she was so tired of hating herself.

Cappie shifted again, bringing her even further into him. She barely managed to squelch the sigh that almost fell from her lips and there was the hate again.

This was a betrayal. There was no other way to see it. Max had been there for her. He was always there for her. He loved her, loved her to the point that it was scary sometimes. He had never lied to her, never cheated on her, never been anything but perfect. And this was how she repaid him.

But her mind was screaming at her the entire time it was berating her. She had never felt so comfortable, so safe and just plain right in Max's arms. Her body didn't mold to his the way it did to Cappie's, like every one on her curves was made to fit every one of his contours.

And then, like he was reading her mind again, in that scary way that only he could, his hand slid up from her waist and cupped her breast, her breast that just fit so beautifully into the palm of his hand that it amazed her every time he touched her like that.

Fire shot through her entire body as his thumb brushed over her already straining nipple. His lips were moving slowly, softly sliding over the skin at the back of her neck.

The alarm in her head was screaming at her now, telling her she had to stop this now. She had no idea what he thought he was doing, but he was going too far. She couldn't let him continue.

She shifted, turning in his arms so that she could look at him, tell him to stop. Her mouth was already opened to speak when she saw his face and she had to choke back the words quickly, swallowing them at the very last seconds.

He was still asleep, apparently dreaming about things not so very different from her own dreams.

He was pulling her back to him, trying to find her in his slumber and she hesitated, wondering exactly what she should do.

She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to let him find her, to haul herself back into his chest and kiss him with everything in her.

But how could she ? Dreaming about him was one thing, staying in his arms even when she knew she shouldn't was another thing. But this, this was more than either of those things and it made her feel like all the air was being sucked out of the room when she considered the weight of it all.  
She had never cheated on anyone in her life. It went against everything she believed in. Monogamy, love, trust. There were few things in the world that she held more sacred.

How could she live with herself, look at herself in the mirror ever again if she gave in to her lust, her need ?

She couldn't, it was as simple as that.

Pulling away even more, she gently removed his arm from around her and tried to ease out of his bed, intending to return to her own as quickly as she could manage.

But the second she moved his arm tighten around her and his eyes blinked slowly opened.

" Good morning, beautiful." He whispered in a raspy, sleep laden voice.

She forced a smile and made herself settle back down beside him. " Morning." She answered finally.

" Did it work ? Did I chase all your nightmares away ?" He asked, wetting his dry lips with the tip of his tongue.

Of course it worked. How could it not have worked ? Was there really anything so terrifying that being held by Cappie couldn't conquer ? Was there anything her mind could conger up that the feel of being in his arms couldn't defeat ?

She nodded and started to rise from the bed again, but he kept his hold on her, refusing to let her slip away.

" It's still early. It's not even daylight. Go back to sleep." He told her, only letting her turn in his embrace before he pulled her back to his chest.

" I should go back to my own bed." She replied.

His arm that rested around her waist tensed for a moment before moving off of her completely. " If that's what you want..." He said quietly.

She took a deep breath. " It isn't necessarily what I want, and that is exactly why it's what I should do."

" Huh ?" He grunted. " I'm not following you."

She shook her head, not really wanting to clarify her statement and began to slid from under his blankets.

She almost made it when apparently his brain caught up to her words. His hand came out of catch her wrist, and she turned to find his face full of understanding. She hadn't had to clarify at all. She should have known. It was Cappie. The one person in the world that made her feel like there was no part of her he couldn't see. She was an open book to him. It was as if he could see the thoughts swirling in her head and the really scary part was that most of the time, they were the same as his.

" Case," Her name was little more than a whisper and she felt like she could actually see it falling from his slightly parted lips.

" No, Cap. Please don't." She shook her head. " I shouldn't have even asked you to do this. It was too much. It crossed the line. I have no business in your bed." She made an exasperated noise. " Hell, I have no business sharing a room with you, but sharing your bed was way, way too far. Let's just forget this ever happened and try to go back to being roommates."

He moved his hand, allowing her to pull away from him and retreat to the safety of her own bed. Once she was there, with the blankets pulled up to her shoulders and her hands tucked under the side of her face, she let herself look at him again.

He was watching her. There was something on his face she couldn't explain, a set of his jaw she wasn't used to seeing, a seriousness in his eyes that made her throat dry. He was angry. She wasn't sure why, but it was there, written all over him. Angrier than she had seen him in a long time.

His shoulders were tense as he sat up and she saw that his hands were clenched in tight fists where they rested at his sides.

" What ? " She asked when he still hadn't said anything a few minutes later.

" I can't do this anymore." He answered through what sounded like gritted teeth.

He really was angry. Very angry and she sat up, suddenly concerned that she had done something to cause it.

" What's wrong ? Did I do something ?" She asked, wanting to reach out to him, but not sure how he would take the move in his current state.

He ran his hand through his hair roughly. The move was tight and jerky and tense. " No," he replied, then paused and tried again. " Not really. It's me. Or maybe it's you. I don't know."

" I don't understand." She started to try to get him to explain, but he jumped up and began to pace across the same space at the foot of their beds.

" I shouldn't have asked you to move in here." He began, but it didn't feel like he was talking to her, more like he was arguing with himself. She decided to let him go, choosing to say nothing and hoping his dialog when make things more clear. " Rusty told me this whole thing was a bad idea. Hell, even Beaver said it wasn't a good plan."

" I can go back to the dorms if you want." She offered in a small voice that sounded choked and nothing like her own.

He stopped pacing and stared at her like he'd just realized she was still there. The look on his face said he thought her offer was absurd. " Don't you get it ?" He demanded.

She got to her feet quickly, beginning to feel the first surges of anger herself. She hadn't done anything to deserve his wrath. She had no idea what he was talking about. " Apparently I don't. So maybe you could just tell me why you're so mad so we'll both know."

He repeated the move with his hand in his hair and it was so rough that it actually looked painful this time. " The last thing in the world I want is for you to go back to the dorms."

" Then why are you so pissed off ? You can't be mad because I thought I needed to get out of your bed. That's ridiculous." She spat, confusion adding to her anger and causing her voice to raise in volume to match his. She wondered how long they could continue shouting at each other before someone came to check on them.

He stalked to her, stopping within an arm's reach and glared down at her. " What's ridiculous is how badly neither of us wanted you to leave my bed." He growled. " What's ridiculous is that after two years, you are all I think about all the time, still." He went on. " What's even more ridiculous than that is that I'm still too much of a coward to tell you that I think Max is a douche that's sucking all the life out of you." He paused, looked away from her for a moment, then turned back. When he spoke again, he was much quieter, his tone no longer harsh or angry. " I just wish that I had to nerve to tell you I still love you as much as I ever have and all I want is to have you back. I wish I could tell you how I know that you belong with me, just like I belong with you and no matter how much we fight it, no matter how much we ignore it, that is never going to change."

With those words still hanging in the air between them, he brushed past her, snatched his pillow from his bed and stalked to the door.

" I'm going to sleep on the couch. I can't stay here tonight." He muttered.

Then he was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

She had no idea how long she stood there with her mouth hanging opened, staring at the door. Her mind wasn't working like it should, every available neuron seemed to be processing what he had just told her, leaving nothing left over for minor functions, like walking or talking.

Cappie still loved her. Cappie still wanted her.

Her heart fluttered in her chest every time she repeated the words in her head. But in the next instant Max's image floated to the forefront of her vision and her heart quit beating altogether.

She managed to free up just enough of her brain's processors to moved to her bed and sit down heavily.

She needed to think. She needed to absorb. She needed to process. But even as she tried to clear her head enough to form coherent thoughts, she knew what she had to do. Chasing away the last of her mental sluggishness, she grabbed for her phone sitting on the nightstand and began to quickly push buttons.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He had no idea what had possessed him. Obviously something had, but he still couldn't figure out what had motived him into going so far off-line.

He rarely got angry. Rarely let his temper control him. Not that he didn't have a temper. He had a temper alright. Anyone that had seen him at the Greek Ball in freshman year could have attested to that.

But normally he kept it under tight wrap, with a long fuse attached. It wasn't typical for him to run around screaming at people.

It certainly wasn't typical for him to haul off and tell people exactly how he felt about them.

He hadn't known what he thought was going to happen after his great revelation. As usual, he hadn't planned that far ahead. He hadn't planned any of it actually. But seeing her tear herself out of his arms, knowing she was struggling with the choice as much as he was, it all seemed so stupid and ridiculous.

He was tired of fighting. Tired of fighting with her, against her, for her. He was just plain tired of all of it. All he wanted was some peace. Well, that wasn't all he wanted, but he would happily settle for it anyway.

The dance they had started in Freshman year was becoming too much for him. He was done. Done like he'd never been done before. Which was probably fine considering she probably wouldn't ever talk to him again after his outburst.

Watching her standing there, saying nothing, completely still, right after his confession had said volumes for how she was feeling about the whole thing. Whatever he was hoping to happen, hadn't.

It was time for him to just suck it up and come to terms with the fact that there was nothing he could do to make her love him back. She didn't feel the way he did. She really was done with him, over him in every sense of the word.

" Cap ? Are you okay ?"

He looked up from where he was resting in the middle of the couch, wearing nothing but his boxers, with his head in his hands to find Rusty watching him with a clearly concerned expression.

" I'm fine." He muttered, sinking back into the musty, old sofa and throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. " Why ? Don't I look okay ?"

Rusty found his way to the chair directly beside the couch and perched on the edge of it. " Actually you kinda look like you're going to be sick. Can I get you something ? A bucket maybe ? "

Cappie laughed, then he really considered Rusty's assessment and decided he really did, in fact, feel nauseas. Maybe he was going to puke.

" I just saw Casey run out of here like there was something on fire." Rusty was saying. " I don't suppose the way you look has anything to do with that ?"

Cappie lowered his eyes to the younger man without moving his head. " I might have put my foot in my mouth." Then he thought about that and had to amend the statement. " Okay, maybe it was more like both feet."

" What did you say ?" Rusty asked, sitting up even more.

Cappie leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees and his head went back to his hands.

" I might have told her that I thought Max was a douche." He admitted, then glanced up. " I might also have said that I loved her and that we belong together."

" Wow," Rusty shook his head in sympathy, as if Cappie had just told him he was dying of some horrible disease. " I take it she didn't respond well."

Cappie snorted. " She just sort of stood there staring at me like she thought an alien was going to jump out of my chest. But honestly I didn't give her much of a chance to say anything. I got out of there as quickly as I could."

" You didn't wait to see what she was going to say ?" He asked, baffled.

Cappie looked down at his hands, staring in fascination at his fingernails. " No, I didn't. I started thinking about the way she was mostly likely going to react and I bolted before she had the chance. But you just said you saw her running out the door. I guess that speaks loud enough without words."

Rusty sat back and crossed his foot over his ankle. " So what happens now ?"

He blinked at him in surprise. " What do you mean what happens now ? It's over. Over like it should have been two years ago. I'm through. I can't take anymore. It's so over that it doesn't even matter anymore. Right now, I'm sorry, Spitter, I know she's your sister, but I never want to hear her name again."

" Just like that ?" Rusty replied and it shocked him even more. Hadn't he been around for most of the torture Cappie had been through where Casey was concerned.

" No, not just like that. You make it sound like I'm just throwing my hands up without even trying. I've tried, believe me I've tried. She doesn't feel the same. She's made that abundantly clear over and over. How many times am I supposed to let her kick me in the teeth before I learn to stay out of her way ?"

" You've tried ?" Rusty asked, dropping his foot to the floor and sitting up again. " I'm sorry, Cap. I just don't see how watching her across a crowded room for two years and one bribed TA during midterms last year constitutes trying. You haven't been trying. You've been pining."

" Pining !" Cappie snapped. " I don't pine."

" What do you call it then ?"

" I've tried. I've always been there for her. Anytime she needs me, I'm there." He protested.

Rusty held his hand up to stop him. " Like any good friend would be. And that is what you've been telling her you want for a year now. Have you really done anything to win her back ? Before now have you given her any indication that you still felt the same way ?"

Cappie thought about that for a minute, then forced himself to answer honestly. " After Mid terms, when she so blatantly chose Evan again, even after I told her how I felt, I guess I figured if I kept trying I would just push her further away."

Rusty sat back again. " That's completely understandable, but now you've gone and thrown all this on her all at once and you didn't even give her time to process it all." He paused as if trying to think of the words he needed to explain " I know Casey. She keeps her entire life organized in these little boxes. She's put you in the ' friend' box because that's where you both decided you should be. It's going to take some adjusting to get you out of that box."

" So you think I should just sit back and give her time to think about everything before I throw in the towel ?" Cappie asked.

" No, I think giving her time to think will eventually lead to her deciding that Max is the solid choice, the one she can depend on. She'll decided that one, albeit, heart-felt confession in the middle of the night isn't enough to throw away a mature, stable relationship. She's not big on being impetuous."

" So it is over." He sighed miserably.

Rusty smirked at him smugly. " That sure didn't sound like it doesn't matter anymore."

" Alright." He admitted unnecessarily. " I suppose it does matter. So you tell me. What now ?"

" A grand romantic gesture." Rusty beamed at him excitedly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She was running. She knew that. But she wasn't sure what else she should do. She was going on instinct and her instinct said to run. So she ran.

She knew eventually she would have to stop and start processing again, but she couldn't deal with it, couldn't handle all the thoughts jumbling through her brain.

She just needed....

She had no idea what she needed.

Normally she would have found herself on Cappie's doorstep. That was where she always ended up when life's problems got too much for her. They would talk for a while. He would help her sort out the mush from the facts that were rolling around in her mind. Then they would curl up either on the couch, or on his bed and watch a movie while she organized her thoughts. And then, after he gave her time to reach her own conclusion, they would talk again.

He was her sounding board, never judging, rarely really offering advice, just listening while she worked through the problem on her own. His only role was to gently guide her to the right choice without pushing her. It was his gift and he was good at it. She had never come to Cappie with a problem that he couldn't help her work through.

For now she would have to settle for her other best friend. Ashleigh had been there for her, too. Maybe not in the same way Cappie was, but she had to talk to someone.

As she ran up the steps of the dorm where Ash was staying she silently prayed she would find her alone without her roommates buzzing around. It wasn't that she didn't like Betsy and Jordon. She just wasn't sure she was ready have this conversation in front of an audience.

Ashleigh met her at the door before she even had a chance to knock, pulling her inside so quickly she nearly stumbled.

" You said you'd be right over. What took you so long ?" Ashleigh demanded after shutting the door behind her.

" I had to go for a run first. I needed to work off some steam." Casey explained, going to her old bed and flopping down in its center.

" Are you all steamed out now ?" Ash inquired, sitting with her back against the headboard and her legs tucked in front of her Indian style.

" I think so." She nodded. " I tried to call Max but all I got was his voice mail."

" Tell me everything."

Casey glanced around and found Jordon sitting on the foot of her own bed, imitating Ashleigh's pose and staring at her expectantly. Betsy's bed was thankfully unoccupied. She looked away from Jordan, letting her eyes rest on the ceiling. " I had a nightmare." She began.

" Was it the storm again ?" Ashleigh interrupted and Casey nodded in answer.

" All the councilors say that the nightmares will quit eventually. Just hang in there." Jordan interjected helpfully.

Casey took a deep breath. " It isn't so easy." She glanced at Ashleigh. " I know you told me that sleeping with Fisher helped." Then she turned to Jordan. " And you said the same thing about Rusty, and let me just say, ew." Jordan chuckled quietly. " Well, Max has been gone since before this whole thing happened and Cappie was there, just a few feet away and I was so tired."

" You slept with him." Ashleigh concluded.

She sat up quickly. " I didn't SLEEP with him."  
" No, you didn't have sex with him. But you did sleep with him." Ash clarified.

Casey nodded and laid back down. " Right, I slept with him."

" Did it work ? Did you have any more nightmares ?" Jordan asked.

" No, I slept all night. It was wonderful and peaceful and perfect." Her voice had gotten a faraway, dreamy quality causing both other girls to look at her with raised eyebrows.

" Wonderful ?" Ashleigh commented.

" Perfect ?" Jordon added.

" Right. It was all that. And that's the problem." Casey answered them both.

" I'm not getting it." Jordon admitted.

Casey opened her mouth to answer, but Ashleigh interrupted her before she could get a word out.

" Cappie and Casey have had this thing going since Freshman year. It's kinda sad actually."

Casey sat up again and looked at Jordon. " No, Cappie and I had a thing in Freshman year but its been over for years now." Then she turned to Ashleigh. " How is it sad ?"

" It's sad because everyone knows that he's still hung up on you. Everyone but you apparently. And if it's so over, why was he the one you went to when you wanted revenge on Evan ? If it's so over why is he still such a huge part of your life ? Over means over, Casey. You can pretend things are different all you want, but be honest. The only thing about your relationship with Cappie that's different now is that you aren't having sex. Nothing else has changed."

Casey stared at her, not knowing what to say to her. Was that really true ?

" So you jumped out of bed because everything was perfect and came running over here ?" Jordon asked more to break the tension than anything else.

Casey dragged her gaze from Ashleigh and turned it on the younger girl. " Not exactly."

" Then what exactly ? What else happened ? You sounded so upset on the phone I thought you were hurt or that Max had broken up with you." Ashleigh asked.

" I..." She paused, still so caught up in what Ashleigh had said that she was having trouble refocusing her thoughts back on the matter at hand. " I didn't want to leave. I had to fight to get out of his bed."

" Why were you trying to get out at all ? If it helped, if being in his bed actually let you get some sleep, what was the problem ?" Jordon questioned.

" I felt so guilty. It's one thing to be there because I couldn't sleep. It's another to feel the way I felt about it. It was wrong. It felt so wrong. I had to get out of there."

" It was wrong because it felt so right ?" Ashleigh commented.

" Something like that." Casey agreed.

Jordon looked confused for a minute then her face brighten in understanding. " Because of Max. You were having warm, fuzzy feelings that didn't involve your boyfriend. I guess that is kinda wrong."

" So when I tried to get up, Cappie woke up and then he was all mad and yelling and pacing." Casey explained.

" He was mad because you wanted to get up ?" Ashleigh asked.

" He was mad because he knew I didn't want to get up and he didn't want to let me. And then we were yelling at each other. Then he..." She trailed off, not knowing exactly how to say the next part, not sure she wanted to hear it all out loud again.

" Oh, no." Jordon demanded. " You can't just stop there. This is getting good. He what ? Did he grab you ? Did he kiss you ? What happened next ?"

" He told me he still loved me. That he never stopped." Casey said quietly. " He said that it didn't matter how much we pretend, we belong together and we always would."

Neither girl said anything for a long while. Long enough that Casey turned to each of them, trying to figure out what they were thinking by the look on their faces. Jordon looked dumbstruck, as if she was having trouble understanding what was going on. But Ashleigh surprised her. She wasn't shocked, or disturbed or any of the things she expected her to be. She looked smug, almost amused.  
" What is that look for ?" Casey asked finally.

" What did you do then ?" Ashleigh ignored her and asked her own question.

" I didn't have a chance to do anything. He stormed out of the room before I could."

" You didn't chase him down ?" Jordon asked, slowing coming back to her senses.

" No, I called Ash. Then I went running. Then I came here."

" What are you going to do ?" Ashleigh said, stilling with that smug smile.

" I have no idea." Casey admitted.

" What do you want to do ?" Jordon questioned.

Casey flopped back down. " I should call Max. I need to talk to him."

" I didn't ask what you should do. I asked what you wanted to do."

" That's a really good question. What do you want to do ?" Ashleigh agreed.

" I really don't know. I'm so confused now."

" Because you love Max ?" Jordon asked.

" Because you love Cappie ?" Ashleigh added.

Casey made an exasperated noise. " I can't love both of them. This is impossible."

Jordon got up, came over to the bed where the other girls were sitting and caught Casey's eye. " I just went through this, you know."  
" How did you decide ?"

She knelt so that she was eye level with Casey. " Close your eyes." When Casey complied, she continued. " Imagine yourself sitting in a movie theater. You are having the best night of your life. You feel beautiful and happy and safer than you've ever felt before. Now look right beside you. Who's there ?"

Casey started to answer but Jordon stopped her. " I'm not done. Having a good time with someone doesn't make them perfect for you. Now imagine that you've just had the worst day of your life. You feel like everything is falling apart and nothing will ever be right again. Which one of them do you want to be there telling you it'll be okay ?"

She opened her eyes, finding Jordon watching her closely. " Just imagine yourself in every possible situation and let your heart figure out who it wants beside you through them all. You know, deep down, where you belong. All the other stuff doesn't matter."

Casey's eyes found Ashleigh as if she needed her to confirm what she was already thinking.

" You need to go find Cappie." Ashleigh nodded.

" No," Casey shook her head and sat up. " I need to call Max."


	10. Chapter 10

" Do you know where Cappie is ?" Casey snapped as soon as Rusty answered his phone.

" Well, hello to you, too, Sis. How are things ?" He replied with a touch of sarcasm.

" I'm sorry, Russ. Hi, have you seen Cappie ?"

" No, is something wrong ?"

There was something in his voice that made her think he was lying, or maybe it was just wishful thinking. But she was getting desperate now. She'd been all over campus searching. She'd hit everyone of his usual spots. And now the paranoia that he was avoiding her was turning into worry.

" I just really need to talk to him. We had -" She stopped, not sure how to define exactly what they had. It wasn't a fight. That didn't seem like the right word. She had no idea how to explain.

" You had ?" Rusty prompted her over the phone.

" I don't know and it's not important. What is important is that I need to talk to him."

" Well, if I see him, I'll tell him you're looking for him. Have you tried the house ? He's always at the house."

She huffed impatiently. " I'm at the house. Of course I tried here. It was the first place I looked."

" Then wait there. He'll show up eventually. He has to, he lives there." Rusty offered helpfully.

She snapped the phone shut without bothering to say goodbye and gave a heavy sigh as she fell onto what had become her bed.

" What are you doing here ? " Cappie voice startled her, making her realize she must have fallen asleep.

" I was waiting for you." She answered groggily as she sat up and tried to untangle her now messy hair.

" You were supposed to be at the dorms." He told her.

" I'm sorry." She got up feeling instantly deflated. He didn't want to talk to her. Didn't want to see her.

She brushed past him quickly, holding her eyes on the floor to keep from seeing the look on his face. She didn't want to see the rejection there. She couldn't handle seeing him look at her like that.

" I thought you were waiting for me." He said before she made it to the door.

She turned and raised her eyes up finally. " You don't want me here."

" What ?" He asked, confusion all over his face.

" You said I was supposed to be at the dorms. I thought you didn't want me here."

He smiled finally. " I just sent a pledge over there to tell you to meet me here."

" So you do want to see me ?" She asked shakily.

He shrugged. " I think we should talk about what happened last night."

She went back to her bed and sat down on the edge. " You're right. We need to talk."

He followed and sat on his own bed, stretching his long legs out in front of him and clasping his hands together in his lap. " I wish I could say that last night was inspired by liquor or even drugs. But you and I both know I was completely sober. So I really have no excuse."

She blinked in surprise. " Are you saying you didn't mean what you said ?"

He let a deep breath out in a huff. " I'm saying that I have no idea what came over me. The whole thing was crazy. And if I could take it all back I would." He paused as he met her eyes. " I just want us to go back to being the way we used to be."

She shook her head. " I don't want to be your friend anymore."

He was taken aback. " Well, then, I guess that just about says everything, doesn't it ?" He got up quickly and started towards the door. Then he turned back with his hand on the knob. " I don't want you to have to go back to the dorms. I'll figure something out. We have a spare room or two around here. I'm sure we can work something out."

She was on her feet and beside him before he could finish the entire sentence. " I don't want to move out either. Cappie, I'm sorry."

" You're sorry ? You have nothing to be sorry for." He insisted.

" Yes, I do." She put her hand on his shoulder. " I'm sorry I didn't know what to say last night. I'm sorry I was caught so off guard."

" I came at you out of the blue. It's completely understandable that you were caught off guard. I shouldn't have lost my temper." He told her, his voice very quiet and controlled.

" Do you really want us to go back to being the way we were ?" She moved a little closer to him, close enough that her chest brushed against his. Then she laid her hand over his where it still rested on the doorknob.

He looked down at her with heavily lidded eyes and she forced herself to keep his gaze.

" I don't want you to leave completely. If being you friend is the only way I can have you. Then yes, I want to be friends again."

Her hand twitched over his and she watched in fascination as he swallowed, causing his Adam's apple to bob dramatically and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. " Then you really did mean what you said last night ?"

He didn't say anything, like it was too much effort. Instead he just nodded his head with a barely perceptible move that she would have missed if she hadn't been so close.

It was as if the move had sparked something in her and before she could register what was happening, her fingers were tangled his hair and she was dragging his mouth down to hers.  
He let her kiss him for a moment, his arms moving around her and splaying against her back as he pulled her firmly into his chest. Then he pulled back abruptly and stepped away so quickly he stumbled in his retreat.

" We can't do this. I won't. I'm sorry, Case. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't let you do this to Max." He panted, trying to regain control of his breathing.

She went back to him, stopping him before he could back away again. " I broke up with Max this morning." She announced.

" Because of what I said ?" He wanted to know, still retreating from her like he was afraid she would burn him if she touched him.

" No, not because of what you said." She answered truthfully.

His eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. " You just woke up this morning and realized you'd lost that lovin feeling ?"

She tried to suppress her laughter at his joke, but it bubbled out anyway. " I broke up with Max because of how I feel, not because of what you said."

" But you wouldn't have done it if I hadn't said anything last night." He replied with a sadness in his eyes.

She shrugged in response. " Maybe not this morning, but I would have eventually. Because you're right."  
" I'm right ?" She was advancing towards him again, and he was still backing away. In fact, right then, his back was against his closet door and he looked a little fearful as he realized he had no where else to go.

" I've tried fighting it. I've tried ignoring it. But you're right. It's never going to change." She was against him, her arms circling his neck and her body flush against his.

" What isn't going to change, Case ?" He asked in a low husky voice as he stared down into her upturned face.

" I love you. I've never stopped loving you. We belong together." She answered before coming up on her toes and finding his lips with hers.

He didn't pull away this time, instead his arms came around her and hauled her in tighter.

" I meant every word I said last night. I'm sorry for how it all happened, but I'm not sorry it did." He told her between kissing her.

" I'm sorry it took me so long to see it." She answered, as he nudged her backward, tearing himself away from the wall while still holding her against him.

" So this is it ?" he asked as he maneuvered them over to her bed and sat down with her on his lap.

" What's it ?"

" We're really going to try this again ? Being us ?" His hand was pulling through her hair as he looked at her intently.

" I want to, if you do." She replied dropping her head to his shoulder and resting it there.

" We can do this. Casey. We're better now." He assured her.

" I can't lose you again." She whispered as she tried to hold back the tears that were suddenly threatening to fall.

" Me, either. But we can't let that stop us from even trying."

" I love you." She said in way of an answer.

" I love you, too." He replied before bringing her face up to his with a finger under her chin. " We will make this work. We have to."

She nodded. " You're right. We have to."

Then she kissed him again.


End file.
